The Scoreboard: A Sign of Affection

As everybody else on this planet, I have an opinion. As many people do too, I like to write about it. Share it generously. And I am excellent at keeping score (mentally), so I will try tallying up my fondness of things according to balance.

A Sign of Affection

Love is one of the most universal topics and I am a sucker for a sweet romance. This anime has heaps of sugar, many pastel-colored backgrounds, twinkling eyes, but it somehow manages to not go totally overboard with its elements.

The main character is Yuki, a sweet, timid deaf girl who’s just entered college. By the way, I am also a sucker for college romance. My very first anime series and one of my all time favorites is Honey and Clover, set in an art college. This college is more nondescript, but it is always nice to have more mature characters at the heart of a story.

Yuki takes the train one day and is asked something out of the blue by an enthusiastic stranger. She signs that she cannot hear, but he does not seem to notice. Before things get too awkward though, a young man gently intervenes and helps the stranger out.

It is a typical meet cute, heroine gets rescued by her hero. And for a series so romance-focused, things happen surprisingly drama-free. For the main romance, that is a good thing since it shows Yuki building trust with Itsuomi, him being fortright about putting effort into learning sign language for her sake, and both clearing up misunderstandings swiftly and enjoying to spend time together.

There is a bit more drama involved with the secondary characters, especially Yuki’s overbearing and overprotective childhood friend Oushi and Itsuomi’s high school friends/love triangle Shin and Emma. Although this provides some meat to the plot, and in Oushi’s case some actual growth, Shin and Emma’s case ties up a bit too quickly for all the setup that was done.

The other romance between Yuki’s friend Rin and Itsuomi’s cousin Kyoya also does not really get enough time to fully flesh out the development from friendship to romance. Both are nice characters, feeling are involved, but there is no episode reserved for their plotline.it honestly feels like a missed opportunity because Rin as a popular girl and Kyoya as a weary date-avoidant guy seem to have some interesting backstories.

Although I really enjoyed the series as is, I do think it would have benefitted from some extra episodes. Not only because the main couple is hella cute and it would surely be enjoyable to spend more time with them, possibly allowing for Yuki to be less tense with Itsuomi as well (yes I love me some smut), not only to flesh out the secondary characters more, but to also highlight Yuki’s experience as a deaf person in Japanese society more. We do not see her taking any classes, she does not reminisce a lot about the past, we do not know a lot about her fanily or why they did not learn sign language and although she gets a part-time job, we never see how it goes for her. These would all have been very relevant topics that could also naturally develop the bond between Yuki and Itsuomi.

Although it may seem the series came up short, I would say that is only the case since it was so enjoyable. I wanted to explore, learn and see more. Alas, maybe I will pick up the manga or a second season could be made.

I rate it very sweet and nice, good to watch if you want to reminisce about your first, current or future lover.

The Scoreboard: Suzume

Suzume no Tojimari

There are not a lot of directors that I have seen all works from. Obviously, this is a bit easier the shorter the list gets, and Makoto Shinkai is one that does not constantly churn out new films. Still, I have not seen all of his films but definitely the majority of it. And like most other people, I was really touched by Your Name. But I also remember really liking 5 Centimeters per Second and Voices from a Distant Star.

His stories often focus on couples, in the prime of their teenage years, juggling change and difficult decisions. His visuals also have a very particular, crisp and bright look about them. They have the digital enhancement and cleanliness to them, without losing character.

For the most part, Suzume looks gorgeous as well. The landscapes are vibrant and dynamic, and places recognizable, especially as she moves throughout the country. However, I tend to not really like too much spunk in my heroines, and especially at the beginning Suzume exhibits quite a bit of it. It is a bit at odd as well with her stoicness and distant friendliness to her aunt. Also, although the boy is gorgeous, the love story feels a bit shoehorned in. It is the traditional love at first sight from her end, and even though they end up travelling together and getting to know each other quite a bit, it feels weird when a college student seems to get a crush on a high school girl.

Another thing this film suffers from, is the density of its lore. The world is fleshed out quite quickly, there are doors to other dimensions that need to be closed in order to let the worms under Japan not consume the country, but not much is told otherwise. Not about the family line of Souta that has closed doors since ancient times. Not about the escape and wish of the cat who served as the keystone to keep the door closed. Not really about Suzume’s family history beyond her mother tragically dying during an earthquake and her aunt not getting through to her. Not about the magic that turns Souta into a chair and almost prevents him from returning back to his human self. There is so much more to explore which could have helped take the story to another level.

As it stands, there is still a lot to enjoy but I felt myself wanting more when watching it. Because the premise is so intriguing and the basic worldbuilding done quite well, I wanted to delve more into the characters, their motivations and backgrounds. Also, the gimmick of seeing Suzume walk around with a broken chair is quite funny, but gets a bit stale by the end. And Souta is very handsome of course, so I would not have minded seeing more of his face as well.

I rate it nice and heartfelt, lacking a bit to give it that extra punch.

The Scoreboard: Cherry Magic!

Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?!

When I started watching this one, I simply wanted a nice, sweet and short series to bingewatch. Lately, I have been getting back into watching anime again. But it feels like I need to watch a show with adult characters as the main focus, to not get too swept up in some of the immaturity that younger characters display.

Although the heyday of my ‘rotten girl’ period has passed, I do love me some boys love content. I do not know exactly which scratch it itches, but somehow an unfolding romance between two male characters has something special. I think because it is more unexpected for the characters, and that is a fun element to play with.

Another fun element that this anime plays with, is the idea that you get a magic power if you are 30 and still a virgin. You will be able to read the thoughts of anybody touching you. Our main character, Kiyoshi Adachi is of course quite taken aback by this. The anime delves right into his first moments with his new power, how it makes some things more difficult or unpleasant for him, but most importantly it quickly gets to the gist of things: he finds out his colleague Yuichi Kurosawa secretly likes him. And that is a big deal, because this guy is the star of the office. He is perfect in all regards, smart and beautiful, the one everybody wants to be with.

I really liked the pace of this series. It quickly provides exposition for the main characters and the situation they find themselves in. And also afterwards it continues in this breezy manner. We see Adachi grappling with the disconnect between Kurosawa’s behavior and his inner thoughts he can grasp. Even with this much inner dialogue being revealed, reactions remain believable and the matureness of characters in this dramatic setup is refreshing.

The B plot, though entertaining, does not hit as hard. It feels like the premise between the two characters is not as sweet, and both behave a bit more like the standard anime archetypes: mature shy guy and a tsundere in this case. At the same time, the plot does tie in nicely with the main one while adding some valuable context and depth.

I also enjoyed the side characters, especially the other ‘rotten girl’ colleague. I am a bit sad that the misunderstanding was not revealed, Adachi assuming she liked him whereas instead she likes imagining him together with Kurosawa, but it is a fun addition. The other colleague almost verges on the border of being annoying, but him bringing out Kurosawa’s pettiness when vying for Adachi’s attention is fun to watch.

All in all, this is a fun little series to watch in a weekend. It has a nice pace, a clear story to tell, and characters who know what they want fairly quickly. It looks decent, although characters do seem a bit off most of the time and animation can look a bit stilted. It is a shame since some key moments are animated very beautifully, which highlights the difference with its usual look. I also had to get used a bit to the style in the beginning, it seemed like the characters were perpetually tired with the lines under their eyes. Something not unimaginable from salarymen in their early thirties.

I rate it a very good time if you like romance, especially if you are already or on the path to become a rotten girl.

Why digital cleanup is no fun

I like order, structure, organization. Giving things a place brings me joy. Sparks joy I guess in organizer-guru-speak. And sure, whenever I moved there were always moments of anguish and hopelessness whenever I needed to pack stuff and take it all out. The moment you have lost all of your energy and the physical stuff is all around you on the ground. Been there, done that.

However, for the organized person I am, my own digital archive is not that well-structured at all. At work, I thrive when deciding on a file naming system or cleaning up folders and putting them together. When I look at my own collection of videos, photos and (important?) documents I want to cry.

It is of course a grand paradox that because we now have seemingly infinite space to store stuff, this makes us more careless about how much stuff we create. And of course visuals take up a large part of this ‘overcreation’. Everyone probably has at least one thing that they constantly record, and mine is mostly sports.

I think many sports are some combination of techniques and visuals. And it is great that we have so much visuals to learn from and improve with, but it can also be impeding. I record myself dutifully every session, but I do not tend to look back at it too much. I know I will be focusing on a bent leg or flexed foot. Did that flow got interrupted because of the buffering or is it my movement? It simply does not spark joy for the most part.

Moreover, there is not only the stuff I film myself, I have external platforms that I check or neglect to check. There is a constant feeling of having too much and not making use of its potential. It is the opposite end of the subscription scheme. There is too much stuff we do not own, and too much of the stuff that we do own. Balance is lost.

Instead of limiting ourselves to saving the things we find very important, we are being ruled by the amount of digital space available. Enticed to pay for increased space, which just means a brief respite to look away ant not at all of the stuff that we record. I am only limited by my unwillingness to pay for things, which results in brief outbursts of downloading, deleting and quickly putting things together in one folder so everything else seems to be in order. Eventually I will look at it. Probably not.

Praise for pragmatic fictional characters

Sometimes, I think about how it would be if someone like me would be the main character in a high school anime. Some of the standard highlights, would certainly play out a bit differently I imagine.

Beach episode: I do not really care for the beach. My swimming is quite below average, I wear glasses and cannot really see stuff without them, am bad at ball games which seem to be involved in most beach games. However, I would absolutely kill at the watermelon game. Although I always find it a bit of a waste, since much juice will probably be lost, it is a combination of many things I like. Burst of targeted violence and food. A beach episode would probably just involve getting a few watermelons and a few heads smashed.

Summer festival: although I am capable of wearing long clothes during summer, searing sun beams have made me appreciate extra protection instead of the limited cooling bareness provides, I am not good with clothes that limit my mobility. Although I have excellent mental self-control, my physical self-control is less strict. Especially my legs that preferably have some space between each other, but also to allow me to easily move around on my bike or walk the stairs. The games are also not really my thing. They are either rigged, involve skills I do not have sufficiently or involve too many others around me, especially kids. I do like the food part and the fireworks though, I could easily just fill an episode eating at all the stalls.

Cultural festival: teamwork at a large scale is not really my thing. I would probably do my job, be present, participate and stay in the background.

Sports competition: these really combine two opposites for me, at least when I see them in an anime. On the one hand it is about teamwork, on the other hand it is about winning. I am very much about winning, going all out, amazing everybody. But only if I am good at the thing. The sports I have seen featured in anime often involve a team and hand-eye coordination. Bad combination for me. But the drama created by me not doing my best and being passive-agressive about it, could be entertaining. Possibly.

Valentine’s Day: I do not like baking. I find it a lot of hassle for only part of a meal. I would probably be too nervous to give chocolate anyway if I had a crush, so it would end up being a store-bought bar to a friend or something.

Christmas: as a Dutchie, I am more attached to Saint Nicholas than Santa Claus. However, I do like the idea of a sleigh with reindeer in the air. On the other hand, having KFC or fastfood for Christmas does not attract me too much. Also, the emphasis on romance would probably kill me.

New Year’s Eve and Day: temple visit sounds fun! Praying, fortune telling is always more fun if you only do it on special occasions. Also, I would be dying to have a new year’s dream featured and possible interpretations offered. And of course food and money! A perfect combination.

School trip: I expect to not be late or miss the bus for any of this. I would probably have stuff in my mind that I want to do, see or visit at the destination, but I could be too shy to speak up. That could lead to some nice drama and heightened emotions.

When do you like to do your reading?

Recently, I started to read the Dune books after I watched the second film and found myself sort of falling in love with reading again. This feeling that you do not want to put a book down and cannot wait to read what is going to happen next. As it happened, this renewed reading streak happened right at the start of my holiday, which made any transit or waiting time a bit easier.

It started at the airport, where much waiting was happening. There is no better way to train your concentration then trying to read while there are tons of families keeping their kids happy, airport staff zooming in between with carts and coffee, anouncements on which flights are delayed and all types of chatter about the flight destination and the supposed weather there.

Then, taking a budget flight there was no in-flight entertainment, I read on with my forehead comfortable against the seat in front of me. It even makes you forget the whole agony about placing you arm somewhere if you have the middle seat. It also makes you less susceptible to noticing the flight attendants walking by with all their wares to sell, which is especially necessary when it is edible stuff they have.

Arriving at the destination I was lucky enough to take the train and could read to my heart’s content. Afterwards, there would be more car rides with limited reading time since I get carsick quite easily and we would be in the mountains as well. Also, the space in the train was quite cramped so it mostly, but not entirely prevented my limbs from flailing around too much.

The rest of the time, any waiting time was gladly filled with reading a few pages to the next chapter. After the holiday, I read on the train and also before sleeping, trying to make it part of my more common routine. Sometimes, I feel drained reading so much news or information at work, and delving into a book can really uplift, even if you basically do the same thing. Bonus point, if you do it on your phone, you can also feel slightly better about the reason being glued to your device.

When you try to make cleaning easier

Sitting in my kitchen, I can hear the robot vacuuming and mopping upstairs. Although vacuuming is not a chore I particularly dislike, it is convenient to think that it can be done when you are not at home.

As one of the older millennials, I feel like I still hold on to some pride to do things without too much technology involved. Smart technology only makes me suspicious. I do not need a smart fridge, a smart coffee machine or a smart rice cooker. The Google Home in my house has been off and disconnected from electricity since its entrance. I think the only thing about smart technology that I read about, is the fact that they tend to record way more information then necessary. We already live without curtains, no further transparency is needed.

But a vacuum robot seems weirdly benign. As a word, robot conjures more old-school images of machines that buzz and blink when you turn them on. Humans are in full control, the machine is not meant to think along but merely follow orders or a program. And sure, any simple machine these days involves an app which opens it up again to much more information than it probably needs. But that big bad company seems far away and the robot certainly cannot make use of any information that is on my phone. And seeing the cleaning lines on the map appear almost fully equally spaced is very satifying.

At the same time, I mainly like the convenience of the robot because I usually do not turn it on myself. Having someone else takes care of the whole process, makes it all even more seamless and automatic. Alas, I am on my own again for a couple of weeks and thought I should not need to resort to old school vacuuming.

So I took the robot from its docking station, wetted the mop as expected, checked its water and sent it of on its cleaning journey. I fiddled with the necessary map I needed to put it on, then I thought I had put everything away but somehow the robot really wanted to have a hangout session with our drying rack. All in all, it took some time before everything was right as it should be and the cleaning lines started appearing on the map.

The old adagio is still true. Everything is automated but nothing happens automatically. Well, at least not when I am by myself.

Film rewriting: Maboroshi

Mari Okada can pull some heartstrings. The last film I watched of hers (Maquia: When the Promised Flower blooms) is a feast for the eyes and had me bawling them out half of the time. I think its sadness is up there with Grave of the Fireflies and that episode of Violet Evergarden. Regardless, she tends to have an interesting and quite unique way of viewing things and putting it together so I was quite excited to watch this one of hers.

The synopsis of the film on imdb is:

“Following an explosion at a factory that mysteriously freezes a town in time, two students encounter a mysterious feral child, spurring an impulse of love fueled by the frustration of their daily lives that begins to upend their world.”

I also read another review that was quite positive about it, and although I like the concept and ideas, parts of the execution fell flat for me. I think the despair and dread of being frozen in a particular moment and how different people react to it is depicted well. I also think she shows interesting choices some characters make to change the present based on how they think there will or will not be an ‘actual’ future to look forward to. And upping the stakes by creating a way for characters to disappear is always a surefire way to create some intense moments. But there are some other things I think could have been left out or executed differently.

I feel the orignal mystery about the factory causing the town to freeze in time could be explored further. As it stands now, this is just a fact and everyone accepts it, although clearly some characters have more whacky ideas about why it happened than others. Besides discovering the ‘feral child’ at the factory, the characters do not spend a lot of time uncovering anything about the explosion, where the smoke comes from, why it happened to them. Even if this was just a fully random thing happening to them, that would be interesting to explore and see if it throws some characters further into despair. As it is, the visuals are very striking but I am left wanting more information.
The romance seems to not get enough room to be fully fleshed out. It is a very interesting concept to know that somewhere else you are leading your own future life but you will never get to experience it in your own reality. However, I felt the connection between the two main characters was disturbed in an unfulfilling manner because they get shoehorned in a weird love triangle. One that also has a bit too much of an incestual tone for my taste.
We do not see a lot of the side characters except for short bursts that show pivotal moments but because they are not shown in many other situations, it is not as meaningful as it could have been. If we would see more glimpses of these characters’ past, hopes and dreams then it would hit a lot harder to see some of the arbitrary decisions being made or sympathize more with their feelings

All in all, the film did hit quite some spots but it was not as gut-wrenching as I expected it to be. The concepts and perspectives that were shown are still quite powerful, but the execution left a bit to be desired.

Film rewriting: The Boy and the Heron

Ghibli films are among my favorites. I think that tends to be quite the favorable opinion, but I remember when I watched Spirited Away at 16 being utterly amazed at the perfect combination of story, folklore, visuals and atmosphere. And finding out afterwards that this was not just contained in a single film, but ranged further across their productions was marvelous. It was like all of my enthusiasm that I never really had for the Disney classics (I refused watching Lion King more than once since I found it too scarring) suddenly came out at a belated moment for the Ghibli universe.

With animation being less and less put in the children’s corner, it seems that almost everyone was excited for this new Ghibli release by master Hayao Miyazaki. Hardly any news emerged before its actual realization although it seemed to combine many familiar elements often founded in Ghibli and Miyazaki films. A headstrong main character that is slightly egocentric but earnest, peculiar magical creatures that seem to be as helpful as they are antagonistic, competent and capable side characters that teach the main character important lessons. And most importantly, beautiful visuals and fantastical landscapes.

On imdb the synopsis of the film is:

“A young boy named Mahito yearning for his mother ventures into a world shared by the living and the dead. There, death comes to an end, and life finds a new beginning.”

I was quite excited to go into the film since it should be a wonderful time. But I came out of the theater feeling a little bit empty. It was not entirely up to the standards that I felt they set before. Especially for a Miyazaki. And of course all the reviews I scrolled pas were jubilant about the film. I did still really enjoy it, but I also saw some missed opportunities.

I found the family dynamic somewhat lacking. Although I think all characters were well-defined in their own rights, I feel there was not enough attention paid to them through the main arc. The father starts as a very direct personality who is very jovial but also slightly manipulative. I thought there would be a moment where he realized how his behavior influences his son, especially at such a vulnerable moment after losing his mother and moving to a new place, but it seems like he is not going through any kind of realization even when his son and second wife fully disappear.

Mahito’s ‘new’ mother also does not really have any development to her story. Although she is in a way the catalyst for everything that happens, she is oddly passive in the whole process and does not seem to have changed at any moment. When we first see her, she is very actively trying to show Mahito, the main guy, that she will be a good mother to him. Her depression is also not unimaginable since she is pregnant and turns out to not be able to prevent Mahito from getting hurt. But after he finds her in the dream world, there does not seem to be a clear reason for her to suddenly want to return.

Lastly, the main character Mahito’s conflict is also not resolved very satisfyingly. His reasoning is not made very clear, why does he suddenly think of his father’s new wife as his mother? Why does meeting his mother in the dream world not shake him more or implore him to further explore his relationship with her? How does he decide to make connections with his environment and what influence does moving away again at the end have on his mental well-being? There are just a lot of aspects that go a little bit too unexplored for my taste.
Why do the important side characters not get further fleshed out? There are a few important side characters that all suddenly appear and then disappear again. First, there is of course the Heron. The visual is very striking, especially at the beginning where the man in the costume is not fully revealing himself yet. But it remained unclear to me exactly what role he played and what his motivations were. He seems to be in the service of the tower master, but at the same time he makes his own decisions throughout the film. He is a magical creature, but does not lose his magic in the real world. He accompanies Mahito on part of the way, but it seems unclear why he is not there for the full way.

Then there is Etsuko, the old maiden whose younger self Mahito meets in the dream world. She is such an interesting character that seems very underused. At the beginning, the maidens are not very explicitly introduced which is not that problematic, but would have given them some more weight instead of just seeming comic relief. Etsuko does get some extra screentime to showcase her warm grumpiness and bartering personality. In the dream world she is a strong and independent woman, taking care of others, but she does not really seem to teach Mahito any lessons, except for letting him do some harder labor. It would have been nice to also see some more interactions between Etsuko and the other creatures or Himi who she seems to revere. It is fine to not know her full backstory, but her actions do not show us much beyond her capabilities and generally there tends to be more of an emotional aspect to interactions with these characters.

Himi also seems surprisingly twodimensional as Mahito’s younger mother. It is especially a missed opportunity to not have her reminisce about her younger sister, Mahito’s new mother, with her suddenly being in the world and what it means. When she sends Mahito off to actually meet his new mother in the world, her saying she cannot go in seems more than a copout than an actual inability. And even if she seems to know the future and says she does not mind dying because she will be so happy with Mahito, there is not a lot of showing of this love she has for him. Her role as a bargaining chip also feels a bit flat since this conflict is not very well fleshed out.

The tower master is a confusing figure since he seems to be a typical antagonistic character, but then remains invisible for most of the film. Judging by the fact that he is in a sense at the core of everything, I would have expected to see more of his behavior, musing about the tower and power, plotting more to get Mahito to certain places or do specific things. His quest for a heir seems to come out of nowhere, as does his fight with another group of creatures. His whole purpose and background is just very vague, which makes it difficult to feel anything but confusion when he is on the screen.
Although it is beautifully rendered, the dream world made me very confused. I get the idea that it is supposed to be an in-between realm merging the living and the dead, but there are basically no rules set at all which makes it difficult to get a grasp on things. New creatures with their own motivations and settings appear all the time, but they seem to be separate vignettes instead of forming a coherent backdrop for the story. Since the storyline is also not very linear, this makes it seem gamelike in a certain way where you are just shown a different world and discussing it, all the while wondering how you will accomplish your quest.

Although there are a lot of points mentioned above that I found unsatisfying, that is not to say I did not like it. Ghibli is still one of the best if it is about immersion. The characters, even if they may fall flat sometimes, still captivate your attention and I did not feel a second of boredom. However, I came out feeling more confused than expected and surprised that my expectations were not fully met. And that is just a shame, but I will still be looking forward to the next Ghibli film, and otherwise there is enough in their backcatalog to not make me complain.

How to behave really awkward at an event

If getting out of your comfort zone is part of your (Lunar) New Year’s resolutions, then you only need to follow this guide. You can only enjoy the good times more, if sometimes you have a swift experience of pure, unadulterated awkwardness. Let me show you how.

You let yourself easily be convinced to attend a certain event. Even better if it is paid so you will not want to skip on it. Even better if it is on a topic you like, but you know there is a readon you normally do not attend these things. The community aspect is not what attracts you, but you can always try right?
Follow the build-up to the eventintensely so you can imagine how you will be liking it once it happens. Realise this is not your thing but the pain of your hard-earned money just wasted hurts even more. Try to stay optimistic, you often have situations where low expectations generate the best results.
Make sure you are pretty tired and/or have any other physical inconveniences that are not bad enough to deter you from attending. A runny nose, or some muscle ache always helps. Perhaps the weather helps and it is cold or wet outside so it makes you not want to go nor leave.
Hang out with some nice people on forehand. Ideally get invited to a hangout session by your friends or some confirmed nice people but decline it for the unknown, quite reliably less entertaining option.
Create a moment of introspection by eating alone or grabbing a drink to gather some confidence. Do this near the venue, thinking you could get a sneak peek at the event, but in reality nothing will be visible.
Park your bike in front of the venue and struggle with your bike lock. Wonder if this is a sign you should not go but persist because you are a well-functioning adult.
You enter and exchange a few words but you already see the people at the entrance are busy and know each other. You try to see where the event is happening, but they tell you it is all the way in the back. You buckle up (figuratively) and go for it.
Once in the back you realise literally nobody is known to you. You try to match some people you see to faces you have seen in online posts and photos. The one person who you would recognise is also not seen.
You decide to go the toilet as an escape. But after walking 3 rounds, there is no toilet to be seen. You try to see again if you recognise somebody and walk around again thinking you know someone. It is not the case so you walk back, stand on the side and look at your phone as a substitute.
Walking around you seemed quite confused apparently because somebody approaches and asks you “Are you okay?” It makes your skin crawl a little, but you ask for the toilet and are politely pointed where to go to.
On the toilet you hear voices from people who are going to the same event but have signed up together. You are not sure what you will be doing, but it has only been a few minutes. You inhale, exhale and go out again.
You try to get a free drink, because that is one of the few tangible things you can get out of the event. The bar is busy but also weirdly ignorant of their customers. You commiserate with someone else in the line but his turn comes up earlier than yours and you just wait and get ignored for a while by the staff.
After you finally get your drink, you look around if there are people striking a conversation that clearly shows they do not know each other. You latch onto a person who is semi-interested in what you do, but also do not feel a real connection in the topics you discuss and the conversation as a whole.
The one person you recognise at the event suddenly turns up and you exchange a few words. The person you were talking with leaves, but also your new conversation partner is hauled away to take a photo. You decide to get your second drink to make sure that is at least ticked off. You are being ignored again and it seems people behind you are whispering about how long you had to wait.
Checking the program for the fifth time, you see the performance should already have taken place, but decide to wait it out just to get a good idea of how uncomfortable it is to not have someone to talk to. You think it is quite a funny paradox how this is a community event, but you feel like such an outsider especially with so many similar people around you.
You get your phone out again and someone points out you dropped something. you try to make this a conversation starter but fail. You try to listen in on some other conversations, but cannot really follow anything and just try to read something on your phone
People are clearly starting to prepare the room for the performance and you help with moving chairs to have something to do.
The performance finally takes place and it is cute but also a little bit lackluster. You decide it has been long enough that you can go to the toilet again. You spend some time there and then decide it is fine for you to go. You slip past the entrance people and deeply inhale and exhale once you are outside.
You struggle with your bike lock again and fear you may not be able to get home quickly. But fate is friendly after this evening and lets you go.
While reflecting on the event, you decide to write something about the whole thing so it was not entirely useless. You have faith if any event happens again it will be better since you should know some people by then. And you try to convince yourself of the value this experience brought to you.

It may seem like a daunting list of things to do, but the end result is guaranteed. Happy New Year everyone!