As many in my direct circle know, I read quite some news. I try to mention at least once per day that I read something in the news, casually, in a conversation. And since commentary and reviewing is something else I like to do, I thought of starting a series where I write my thoughts about an article I read. A lot of them will be related to China, since that is one of the topics I follow most closely.
Sixth Tone
With single’s Day coming up (because why not more consumerism 2 weeks before black Friday?), it seems more than appropriate to focus on Chinese singles today. This article hits some familiar points. The disparity between highly educated urban women and lower education rural men. The importance of marriage that permeates Chinese and many Asian societies. The difficulties that singles face regarding costs of living and income vulnerabilities.
Something different that it touches upon, is the disparity of views on singlehood between the singles and society at large. Additionally, it makes a difference between ‘choosing to be single’ and ‘drifting into singlehood’.
This first point is something I experienced when I still lived in China. I thought I had written on this before, but a few scrolls down do not reveal anything. But moving to China at 25 and leaving again at 29 revealed clear differences in perception of the age brackets. At the most extreme, it went from all is well to all is hell. From you will for sure find someone to you cannot find someone anymore. From your mind will change to your parents will be devastated. And this attitude for sure has its origins in the fact that marriage is not only socially acceptable and encouraged, it actually provides a clear path to a better life for you and your future offspring.
The second point is something I have been wondering about myself in the almost 10 years I was single. There is for sure a large grey area between these 2 states and most definitely some changing back and forth. I definitely drifted into singlehood initially, my previous breakup costing a lot of time and effort to heal from. After some half-hearted efforts at dating, I more consciously made the choice to stay single when I moved abroad. As the years passed by, the ‘happy single’ image seemed to fit better and better. It was almost movielike how surprised people were, including myself, when I got into a relationship.
I think it is this fluidity of just happening to be single, actively embracing it, and then dating again that is missing for a lot of Chinese women. The paradox is always that you should find a partner, but cannot be too overt about the process. Ideally, there is no process for you to go through, you just meet the person or are introduced to them.
When we are expected to adhere to these invisible rules, it limits not only individuals, but society as a whole. With the emphasis of the Communist Party leadership on women fulfilling certain roles, I unfortunately do not expect this to become more flexible anytime soon.
Bitesized Writing 