Tag: relationship

The Scoreboard: You and I Are Polar Opposites

As everybody else on this planet, I have an opinion. As many people do too, I like to write about it. Share it generously. And I am excellent at keeping score (mentally), so I will try tallying up my fondness of things according to balance.

You and I Are Polar Opposites

First love is a special thing. It’s not for nothing an endless source of entertainment, emotions and stories. This anime does something special with the standard cliché of opposites attract though. It makes it work without feeling too performative.

Miyu Suzuki and Yusuke Tani are quite the opposites. A bumbly and sociable girl with a quiet and serious guy. However, getting to the romance between these two suprisingly doesn’t take too long and they make for a very sweet but still relatable couple once it happens. The other two couples in the cast take a bit longer to get to a certain level though. Kentaro Yamada and Natsumi Nishi are the opposites of our main characters, but different enough in their own ways, and get some much-needed help from Natsumi’s good friend Rikako Honda and Suzuki. Shino Azuma and Shuji Taiga on the other hand keep circling around, seemingly moving the needle very little. However, looking at where the second season ends with the two of them, it’s clear they’ve also taken some steps of their own.

Over the course of the two seasons, the main couples’ stories are given enough room to breathe. Every couple gets to be in the spotlight from time to time, highlighting their different personalities and how it influences their relationships. Our main couple seems to have it somewhat the easiest, although they do get believable drama in the second season related to university choices and balancing a relationship with your own desires. Yamada and Nishi also manage to become official fast enough, although Honda wouldn’t have minded it happening even faster, and also manage to create a different type of ‘opposites attract’ dynamic that forces them to grow in their own ways. Azuma and Taiga have the least romantic development, which can be somewhat frustrating, but seeing their individual growth from their more self-destructive tendencies is almost equally satisfying.

What’s especially refreshing, is to see some drama happening because characters are nervous, insecure or inexperienced, but it generally gets resolved fairly quickly in a way that seems believable. The awkardness and eagerness of all the teenagers is front and center which can make the viewer laugh in one scene and melancholic in the next. Additionally, all main couples are part of a bumbling friend group and often interact with different classmates in a way that shows their world is bigger beyond their romantic pursuits.

I don’t have particular fondness for my high school memories, but this series made it feel like I could be part of this lovable group of teenagers as they stumble through first love and beyond. I rate it first loves done well.

A Taste of News: China’s singles society

As many in my direct circle know, I read quite some news. I try to mention at least once per day that I read something in the news, casually, in a conversation. And since commentary and reviewing is something else I like to do, I thought of starting a series where I write my thoughts about an article I read. A lot of them will be related to China, since that is one of the topics I follow most closely.

Is China Drifting Toward a ‘Singles Society’?

Sixth Tone

With single’s Day coming up (because why not more consumerism 2 weeks before black Friday?), it seems more than appropriate to focus on Chinese singles today. This article hits some familiar points. The disparity between highly educated urban women and lower education rural men. The importance of marriage that permeates Chinese and many Asian societies. The difficulties that singles face regarding costs of living and income vulnerabilities.

Something different that it touches upon, is the disparity of views on singlehood between the singles and society at large. Additionally, it makes a difference between ‘choosing to be single’ and ‘drifting into singlehood’.

This first point is something I experienced when I still lived in China. I thought I had written on this before, but a few scrolls down do not reveal anything. But moving to China at 25 and leaving again at 29 revealed clear differences in perception of the age brackets. At the most extreme, it went from all is well to all is hell. From you will for sure find someone to you cannot find someone anymore. From your mind will change to your parents will be devastated. And this attitude for sure has its origins in the fact that marriage is not only socially acceptable and encouraged, it actually provides a clear path to a better life for you and your future offspring.

The second point is something I have been wondering about myself in the almost 10 years I was single. There is for sure a large grey area between these 2 states and most definitely some changing back and forth. I definitely drifted into singlehood initially, my previous breakup costing a lot of time and effort to heal from. After some half-hearted efforts at dating, I more consciously made the choice to stay single when I moved abroad. As the years passed by, the ‘happy single’ image seemed to fit better and better. It was almost movielike how surprised people were, including myself, when I got into a relationship.

I think it is this fluidity of just happening to be single, actively embracing it, and then dating again that is missing for a lot of Chinese women. The paradox is always that you should find a partner, but cannot be too overt about the process. Ideally, there is no process for you to go through, you just meet the person or are introduced to them.

When we are expected to adhere to these invisible rules, it limits not only individuals, but society as a whole. With the emphasis of the Communist Party leadership on women fulfilling certain roles, I unfortunately do not expect this to become more flexible anytime soon.