Tag: lunar new year

A Taste of News: Fearing the family

As many in my direct circle know, I read quite some news. I try to mention at least once per day that I read something in the news, casually, in a conversation. And since commentary and reviewing is something else I like to do, I thought of starting a series where I write my thoughts about an article I read. A lot of them will be related to China, since that is one of the topics I follow most closely.

AI Game Mimicking Nosy Relatives Takes China by Storm

Sixth Tone

Lunar New Year took place last weekend. Happy year of the dragon! May you prosper! The gods will bring you luck and happiness. Which of course means a stable job, a spacious house and a lovely family.

Festivities make for special times. I can immediately recall which time was the most memorable of all the New Years spent in China, but today we are not talking about that. This news article was recommended to me on Facebook, one of the few organizations I still follow on the platform, and had an extraordinarily high number of likes. Unsurprisingly. I think Chinese New Year is most well-known for a few things: the great number of people that move around the country (the infamous greatest migration worldwide), the great number of dishes you will consume during the holiday and the great number of annoying questions your relatives will unrelentlessly pound you with.

I think this is one of the cases where you cannot win, unless you are young and only need to collect money from a red envelope. If you are a student, you need to get good grades and find a partner timely (but big minus points if it seems you are sleeping around or dating multiple people, that is not proper behavior), if you have started your first job you should not argue with your boss and find a partner timely, if you have a partner you should buy a house and get a kid, if you have a partner and a house and a kid you should make sure it is well-behaved and getting good grades. In other words, the comments are endless. And this game must be difficult, excruciatingly so.

Because there are somewhat extraordinary pressures on Chinese returning for the new year to their families, it is no wonder that it is an endless source of different societal behaviors that may be more or less true on a larger scale. Children hiring partners online to take home has been a big story for a couple of years, children not going home is starting to become a bigger story to emphasize individualism and assertiveness, traditional costumes being replaced by cheap uniformity bought online. I am surprised I am not reading more about certain foods being replaced but I guess that is the thing most people probably can agree on to keep as traditional as possible.

I always find it fascinating when people seem to be more concerned with how things should be, than why things are a certain way. And what I think the screenshots of this game show very well, is that it is always indirect. This is the network of guanxi at a microscale. Everybody represents someone else, besides themselves. It is not only about their own hopes, but the sense of responsibility they feel towards other family members to put somebody on the spot.

Although I doubt this game will be played by those who would benefit the most from some self-reflection, perhaps it can serve as a practice to those who need to submit to this ritual every year. Maybe you find some new appreciation for your actual family members. Or discover that they are even worse than AI could imagine.

How to behave really awkward at an event

If getting out of your comfort zone is part of your (Lunar) New Year’s resolutions, then you only need to follow this guide. You can only enjoy the good times more, if sometimes you have a swift experience of pure, unadulterated awkwardness. Let me show you how.

  1. You let yourself easily be convinced to attend a certain event. Even better if it is paid so you will not want to skip on it. Even better if it is on a topic you like, but you know there is a readon you normally do not attend these things. The community aspect is not what attracts you, but you can always try right?
  2. Follow the build-up to the eventintensely so you can imagine how you will be liking it once it happens. Realise this is not your thing but the pain of your hard-earned money just wasted hurts even more. Try to stay optimistic, you often have situations where low expectations generate the best results.
  3. Make sure you are pretty tired and/or have any other physical inconveniences that are not bad enough to deter you from attending. A runny nose, or some muscle ache always helps. Perhaps the weather helps and it is cold or wet outside so it makes you not want to go nor leave.
  4. Hang out with some nice people on forehand. Ideally get invited to a hangout session by your friends or some confirmed nice people but decline it for the unknown, quite reliably less entertaining option.
  5. Create a moment of introspection by eating alone or grabbing a drink to gather some confidence. Do this near the venue, thinking you could get a sneak peek at the event, but in reality nothing will be visible.
  6. Park your bike in front of the venue and struggle with your bike lock. Wonder if this is a sign you should not go but persist because you are a well-functioning adult.
  7. You enter and exchange a few words but you already see the people at the entrance are busy and know each other. You try to see where the event is happening, but they tell you it is all the way in the back. You buckle up (figuratively) and go for it.
  8. Once in the back you realise literally nobody is known to you. You try to match some people you see to faces you have seen in online posts and photos. The one person who you would recognise is also not seen.
  9. You decide to go the toilet as an escape. But after walking 3 rounds, there is no toilet to be seen. You try to see again if you recognise somebody and walk around again thinking you know someone. It is not the case so you walk back, stand on the side and look at your phone as a substitute.
  10. Walking around you seemed quite confused apparently because somebody approaches and asks you “Are you okay?” It makes your skin crawl a little, but you ask for the toilet and are politely pointed where to go to.
  11. On the toilet you hear voices from people who are going to the same event but have signed up together. You are not sure what you will be doing, but it has only been a few minutes. You inhale, exhale and go out again.
  12. You try to get a free drink, because that is one of the few tangible things you can get out of the event. The bar is busy but also weirdly ignorant of their customers. You commiserate with someone else in the line but his turn comes up earlier than yours and you just wait and get ignored for a while by the staff.
  13. After you finally get your drink, you look around if there are people striking a conversation that clearly shows they do not know each other. You latch onto a person who is semi-interested in what you do, but also do not feel a real connection in the topics you discuss and the conversation as a whole.
  14. The one person you recognise at the event suddenly turns up and you exchange a few words. The person you were talking with leaves, but also your new conversation partner is hauled away to take a photo. You decide to get your second drink to make sure that is at least ticked off. You are being ignored again and it seems people behind you are whispering about how long you had to wait.
  15. Checking the program for the fifth time, you see the performance should already have taken place, but decide to wait it out just to get a good idea of how uncomfortable it is to not have someone to talk to. You think it is quite a funny paradox how this is a community event, but you feel like such an outsider especially with so many similar people around you.
  16. You get your phone out again and someone points out you dropped something. you try to make this a conversation starter but fail. You try to listen in on some other conversations, but cannot really follow anything and just try to read something on your phone
  17. People are clearly starting to prepare the room for the performance and you help with moving chairs to have something to do.
  18. The performance finally takes place and it is cute but also a little bit lackluster. You decide it has been long enough that you can go to the toilet again. You spend some time there and then decide it is fine for you to go. You slip past the entrance people and deeply inhale and exhale once you are outside.
  19. You struggle with your bike lock again and fear you may not be able to get home quickly. But fate is friendly after this evening and lets you go.
  20. While reflecting on the event, you decide to write something about the whole thing so it was not entirely useless. You have faith if any event happens again it will be better since you should know some people by then. And you try to convince yourself of the value this experience brought to you.

It may seem like a daunting list of things to do, but the end result is guaranteed. Happy New Year everyone!